I've spent the last few months learning a lot about the nature of people, and of friendship, and what that word really and truly means. And what it means to me.

 

This song really speaks to me about what I think a true friend really is.

Count On Me - Default

I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've got to get back up 

Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till that healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is gone

I wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you stand

Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget 
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is

Gone so you can live today
Say so long to yesterday
Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on
Carry on

You know that life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
You can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done
And every time you fall apart
You can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone

Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
 

Well, Saturday proved to me that I have more friends then I might have realized. And that your true friends don't mind if you bust into tears. You don't have to apologize, or feel guilty, or be terrified that said person will no longer be your friend. If they truly are your friend, they will not shy away from your tears. They will just want to know what it was that made you cry.

And there won't be a limit on it, or a deadline. It won't be, 30 times I'll watch you cry, but 31 and I turn my back on you as if you never existed.
 
As 

pinky0007  told me one day when I nearly backed out of girls' night because I couldn't stay composed, "If you had 365 bad days a year, not that I'd want you to, but if you did, you would still be my friend." I'm learning this more an more every day.  What made Saturday such a lesson? Well, it was the B and B, I'd have to say. Or more, a bunch of the attendees of the B and B. It was my second B and B, yes, you read right, second. If you have any doubts on that one, ask around. Most of the people from "the crowd" have heard the story. And yes, I think that "the crowd" is becoming more and more "MY crowd" every day. You have your doubts?  Well, I got in crap for not being at the party at two of the groups' house the night before.  Two of them I hang out with on occasion on Goth Night at the Die Maschine. A mutual friend of ours took that ugly vest and made a flogger out of it. Very cool. One of them treated me to a brilliant scalp massage as the evening was dying down and I was getting a headache. And one of them, upon asking me where my two former best friends were, got treated to a rather watery display of emotion. She was shocked, I have to say. And why? Because she had no idea that said friends were not talking to me. So, not only did they not tell me why I am no longer one of their friends, they failed to tell other people as well. My apologies again, girl. You were so wonderful to me. You did not, in any way, have to offer what you offered. And I'm sorry if it put you in a rather uncomfortable position.  I'm glad I got a chance to say goodbye. I'm sorry for not being able to come to you. But thank you for the goodbye you did give. It meant quite a lot.  I thoroughly enjoyed my second B and B. I got to talk to a lot of people that I don't see all that often. I got to dance by myself and not feel awkward. And I got to see that though certain people may glare down their nose at me in a way that leads me to believe I'm a stain on their perfect life, without even giving me a reason why it's so, not everyone sees me that way. And when I though that I wouldn't be able to hang with some of my circle because awkward had set up base camp at their table, I was kind of shocked to see that my circle got up and found a new place to set up shop.  Things are very different in my life then I'd been led to believe.  I can't thank you all enough for just being there. And for helping me to find myself. And for allowing me to count on you. Thank you for showing me that there are people willing to be the kind of friend to me that I always try to be to others.